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Awe Nuts: Man Bites Rodent Pelvis and Sues

Brian Karpf — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 23:41:52 +0000

Another incident of strange findings in food. 49-year old Kent Weisenberg was just trying to have a little party snack at his housewarming party, but when he threw some Planters dry-roasted peanuts in his mouth he discovered an extra surprise, the pelvis of a rat. The crunch broke his tooth (as well as his appetite). He did some root damage and cracked his tooth in half, costing him $15,000 in dental bills.

Weisenberg is now suing Kraft (maker of Planters peanuts) for damages. He’s already done some homework, retaining a forensic lab to test the bone and determine that no bone was present at the time that the nuts were dry-roasted. Yet, the bone was coated in the same material as the nuts. Kraft responded by denying any wrongdoing.

When asked if he would think about eat peanuts again any time soon, Weisenberg said no way, “it gives you the willies.”

Look at the size of that bone. How did he not feel the thing in his hand or at least when he put the nuts in his mouth?

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Women Arrested for Super Gluing Man’s Penis

Brian Karpf — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:00:19 +0000

Yes, you read that correctly. The stint went down in Wisconsin, after three women found out they were dating the same man. He thought that he had outsmarted all of them by juggling a marriage (with children) and trysts with two other women for quite some time. Boy was he wrong, because (surprise surprise), the women all found out. His Wife and two girlfriends then decided to, um, take matters into their own hands. Literally.

After a girlfriend convinced the man to come to a motel, she tied him to the bed with sheets and blindfolded him with a pillow case. Sounds kinky…..BUT, it wasn’t. After the man was bound to the bed, the girlfriend texted the other two ladies, who entered the room and confronted the man-whore. Their slapping him around a bit was just the pre-party of what was about to come.

The women cut off his underwear, super glued his penis to his stomach, and left him. Boy, they really stuck it to him!

The women have been charged with false imprisonment and misdemeanor sexual assault and battery. The man gave testimony in an orange jumpsuit – not all that surprisingly, he was arrested on separate charges: CHILD ABUSE, theft and harassment.

Did the man deserve to have his man meat superglued to his stomach? Did he deserve worse?

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Juror Can’t Keep Quiet: Trial Twitter Tweet Could Cost 12 Million Bucks

Brian Karpf — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 01:48:36 +0000

A $12 million jury verdict in Arkanksas is now being appealed after it was learned that one of the jurors was posting on twitter about the case during the trial. Stoam Holdings owner Russell Wright is looking to overturn the verdict against him and his company. Stoam was that alleged ponzi scheme whereby people sold “stoam” – some crazy substance that insulated like foam and was strong as steal (“stoam” – get it?).

One of the smarty-pants jurors (“Juror Jonathan” of Fayetteville, Arkansas) tweeted the following message on twitter: “oh and nobody buy Stoam. Its [sic] bad mojo and they’ll probably cease to Exist, now that their wallet is 12m lighter.” What is it with these people? If you are going to break a rule, be a little smarter and don’t broadcast it to the world. This bozo blunder is painstakingly reminiscent of the Judge Lawyer Ex Parte Communication on Facebookstory.

For those you don’t know what twitter is (do you sleep all day?), its basically a system where people broadcast what they are doing, for all the world to see. If you don’t know what twitter is, chances are you won’t understand why it would even exist. Fortunately or unfortunately, it’s a world full of yentas, and some people are obsessed with reading that Jack loves eating his cherry pie, or that Wanda is reading a book that she is enjoying soooo much.

The problem with Juror Jonathan is that jurors are usually told not to discuss or share any information about the trial to or with the public. Good one, Jonathan.

So we’re entering the realm of twitter legal issues. Well here’s my tweet for the day – Lawyer Lunch: Hey Jonathan, if you wanted out of the jury, you could’ve just pulled the good ‘ole Larry David stunt!

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