Lawyer Lunch » Brian Karpf

Awe Nuts: Man Bites Rodent Pelvis and Sues

Brian Karpf — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 23:41:52 +0000

Another incident of strange findings in food. 49-year old Kent Weisenberg was just trying to have a little party snack at his housewarming party, but when he threw some Planters dry-roasted peanuts in his mouth he discovered an extra surprise, the pelvis of a rat. The crunch broke his tooth (as well as his appetite). He did some root damage and cracked his tooth in half, costing him $15,000 in dental bills.

Weisenberg is now suing Kraft (maker of Planters peanuts) for damages. He’s already done some homework, retaining a forensic lab to test the bone and determine that no bone was present at the time that the nuts were dry-roasted. Yet, the bone was coated in the same material as the nuts. Kraft responded by denying any wrongdoing.

When asked if he would think about eat peanuts again any time soon, Weisenberg said no way, “it gives you the willies.”

Look at the size of that bone. How did he not feel the thing in his hand or at least when he put the nuts in his mouth?

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Unique Divorce Wedding Cakes

Brian Karpf — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 23:17:18 +0000

Check out these crazy / funny / unique divorce wedding cakes.

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Mothers Huge Mistake – 400 Pound Teen Son

Brian Karpf — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:44:01 +0000

An Orlando, Florida mother is catching heat from DCF for “allowing” her 13-year-old son to grow into a 400 pound behemoth. Assuming that Josiah Lewis weighed 15 pounds at birth, his mother Brenda’s feeding habits resulted in weight gain of about 30 pounds per year. That’s crazy. If this trend continues, he’ll weigh a ton by age 33.

The problem is, authorities are questioning how long the poor kid will live. He has both diabetes and high blood pressure, conditions which doctors say are life-threatening to him. As such, the Department of Children and Families has the power to remove Josiah from his home. They’re thinking of doing just that.

The mother’s excuse: she doesn’t know how to control him. She claims that she can’t get her morbidly obese son to take his medications or to stop eating. “He didn’t come with a manuscript or a guide,” says the mom. “I (have) just been working my way through.” Oh, you mean your kid didn’t come with an instruction manual such as “Motherhood for Dummies?” Where’d you get him, eBay? Get real lady.

Overweight Teen - 400 pound teenager Josiah Lewis

Is this a case of Munchausen by Proxy? Should Josiah be removed from his home, at least temporarily, so that he can lose weight and get his health back in order?

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Miami Teacher Arrested for Putting Hot Sauce in Drink of Student

Brian Karpf — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 23:14:45 +0000

Sylvia Tagle, a teacher in Miami Lakes, Florida, was found guilty of abuse after she was caught putting hot sauce in a student’s drink. Oh yeah, she was a special needs teacher.

Tagle was convicted of abuse after jurors determined that she gave the mix to an autistic student in order to teach him lesson. She tried to argue that it was her drink and that the kid took it from her desk without permission. Really teacher? That’s all you could come up with? Put 12 people in a room and chances are 8 are idiots, but you’re not even going to convince those 8 idiots that you like to drink soda with hot sauce in it. You’re the one with special needs…

Tagle was not found guilty for other charges of abuse, including allegations that she pulled the hair of some students and required other students to spend the day in soiled diapers.

Tagle’s attorney defended her by saying that she’s just a strict teacher who is dedicated to performing at her job as a teacher. Okay, he should be the one force fed her special brew. Tagle faces 5 years in prison.

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Woman Arrested for Sex with Teen and Dog

Brian Karpf — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:14:25 +0000

41-year old Carla Rhea Maldonado has plead no contest to the infamous 2008 incident. Maldonado was charged after someone turned in a computer hard drive which contained pictures of her performing oral sex on a 15-year-old girl. What’s more, the drive also contained photos of her having sex with her dog, a German Shepherd.

Maldonado was not charged with anything relating to the sexual relations with her dog, as bestiality is not illegal in Florida. However, those photos did result in her being terminated from her job with – GET THIS – the Flagler County Humane Society. Yeah, this woman worked with animals for 9 years at a veterinary technician. Apparently, that was like letting Michael Jackson work at Kids ‘R Us.

She faces up to 12 years in prison and will have to register as a sex offender. Maldonado’s Husband (check out her photo and tell me that this doesn’t prove that there’s someone for everyone) was also charged with 50 counts of possession of child porn. He is also accused of recording the images of his Wife’s illegal sexcapades.

Carla Maldonado was arrested for having sex with a dog and teen. Judging by that mug, looks like she was the lucky one.

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Crack for Clunkers: Man Arrested for Trading Father’s Car for Crack

Brian Karpf — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:14:02 +0000

A 39-year-old Fresno, California man was arrested for attempting to trade his father’s car for crack cocaine – 50 bucks worth to be exact. 50 bucks?? I mean, lots of people swap things to get what they want. Usually, however, they consider something called FAIR VALUE. This was a Lincoln, not a Pinto – bad deal man. Some negotiator you are.

The 74-year old father reported that his car had been stolen late at night. Cops “cracked” the case (ha ha ha) when they saw the son walking home from a neighboring street at 4 in the morning. They caught the guy who was driving the car after he crashed the Lincoln into 2 parked vehicles. Obviously, we’re looking at a whole bunch of winners here.

The driver – who had gotten the deal of a lifetime – was arrested on charges of evading an officer and resisting arrest. The crackhead son was arrested for theft of a vehicle.

Some people are book smart. Some people are street smart. Apparently, these guys are neither. Their sentence should be going back to school…whattya say?

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Crazy Courtroom Fight Video

Brian Karpf — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 17:25:40 +0000

Here’s a video of a crazy courtroom brawl. The guy in the back attacks a man who raped and then strangled his mother. This courtroom fight takes an unusual turn when the lineman-sized son slams his mother’s killer with a chair. Did he go too far by attacking the guy or did he rightfully take advantage of his last chance to get his hands on the man who destroyed his life?

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Buddha Shaped Pears

Brian Karpf — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:38:50 +0000

This is totally irrelevant to anything but I felt compelled to note that an Asian man (China?) is growing pears shaped like little Buddha’s. Why, we may never know…

Buddha shaped pears

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Women Arrested for Super Gluing Man’s Penis

Brian Karpf — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:00:19 +0000

Yes, you read that correctly. The stint went down in Wisconsin, after three women found out they were dating the same man. He thought that he had outsmarted all of them by juggling a marriage (with children) and trysts with two other women for quite some time. Boy was he wrong, because (surprise surprise), the women all found out. His Wife and two girlfriends then decided to, um, take matters into their own hands. Literally.

After a girlfriend convinced the man to come to a motel, she tied him to the bed with sheets and blindfolded him with a pillow case. Sounds kinky…..BUT, it wasn’t. After the man was bound to the bed, the girlfriend texted the other two ladies, who entered the room and confronted the man-whore. Their slapping him around a bit was just the pre-party of what was about to come.

The women cut off his underwear, super glued his penis to his stomach, and left him. Boy, they really stuck it to him!

The women have been charged with false imprisonment and misdemeanor sexual assault and battery. The man gave testimony in an orange jumpsuit – not all that surprisingly, he was arrested on separate charges: CHILD ABUSE, theft and harassment.

Did the man deserve to have his man meat superglued to his stomach? Did he deserve worse?

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Man Tricks Women – Into Changing his Diaper!

Brian Karpf — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 10:00:56 +0000

A Florida man was arrested for tricking women into changing his diaper. 39-year-old Sean Kelly of Florida was arrested for hiring a woman to care for his disabled “brother.” He had agreed to pay her $2,000 per week to care for his sibling, whom he described as having the mental capacity of a 5-year-old. Guess what – it was all a lie!

Turns out that Kelly himself was the “brother.” He was caught when his new “employee’s” Husband waited for and followed him after his Wife left “work” one day. Of course, he witnesses Kelly leave the home and drive away. He followed Kelly and, upon confronting him, Kelly spilled the beans (no, not in his pants).

Kelly was arrested for his deception and is being held on $5,500 bond.

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